How many Theists does it take to change a light bulb?
Q: How many Theists does it take to change a light bulb?
Charismatic: Only 1
Their hands are already in the air.
Pentecostal: 10
One to change the bulb, and nine to pray for protection against the spirit of darkness.
Presbyterians: None
Lights will go on and off at predestined times.
Roman Catholic: None
Candles only. Put a little something in the box.
Baptists: At least 15
One to change the light bulb, and three committees to approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad and fried chicken next Sunday.
Episcopalians: 3
One to call the electrician, one to mix the drinks, and one to talk about how much better the old one was.
Mormons: 5
One man to change the bulb, and four wives to tell him how to do it properly.
Unitarians: ?
We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, you are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your light bulb for the next Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, 3-way, long-life and tinted – all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.
Methodists: Undetermined
Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely out, you are loved. You can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb. Bring a bulb of your choice to the Sunday lighting service and a covered dish to pass around.
Scientologists: Tom Cruise
We may get lucky and he’ll fall off the ladder, or will be kidnapped by Xenu.
Nazarene: 6
One woman to replace the bulb while five men review church lighting policy.
Lutherans: None
Lutherans don't believe in change.
